Communication skills are essential to healthy relationships!
That may seem like an obvious statement however, the number of relationships where this actually exists is rather limiting; follow along this week so you can decide whether your relationships have a healthy style or some unique variation upon this key skill set. For many of us we communicate based upon the stylings of our parental role models (some of you just began to worry a little, I know). Very few people will actually take a course in their lifetime related to healthy communication patterns and so we are left to the functionality or lack thereof from those early exposed models. If you came from a healthy communicative environment this is less of an issue as long as your friends and partner additionally had access to this type of style as it takes two to perform this intricate dance.
I remember hearing in a class back in my under-grad years on communication that “you cannot not communicate” (and not because it is a double negative). That statement stayed with me–we are always communicating! Our very existence is a form of communication; however, I will avoid the existential discussion surrounding this concept. I will instead focus upon the concrete examples of how this unfolds. When we enter a room with others present, we begin communication with our very body language–are we smiling, frowning, walking fast, looking up/down, etc. Our body language is essential to the communication process; what we do not verbally say will matter more to others than what we do say (I will illustrate this more later). When we open our mouths to talk, our speech is influenced by tone, pitch, intonation, and of course, the words that we choose to utilize in the discussion.
A portion of good communication centers upon these two areas (non-verbal and verbal) complimenting each other. Good communicators will intentionally make efforts to ensure that their verbal communication lines up with their non-verbal messaging. If you are angry yet you say to someone “I am not angry” whilst pounding your fist on a table which message do you think they will believe. This is but one example of where body language over-rules verbal messaging. Communication is a complex process of interpreting and re-interpreting the features contributing to the process. On a day-to-day basis, we generally perform this dance without a thought and without a glitch quite easily. This is because we typically allow others a large area of interpretation. Where it often becomes problematic is when the issue being discussed is important to both parties and where two people are operating from differing communication platforms. Later in the week, I will explore healthy communication platforms. For today, pay attention to the complexities of verbal and non-verbal messages in others and in yourself, you may find the “dance” more interesting.
TODAY HAS STARTED–HAVE A GREAT ONE!